roller coaster

Why does pregnancy have to be so scary? so many unknowns? so many worries? so many "what ifs?" Sometimes I wish women didn't even discover they were pregnant until the 2nd trimester when everything is "good to go" so to speak.

If you know me, then you know that I had early pregnancy spotting with both Tripp and Makinley. Well, it decided to rear its ugly head again this time around. It started last Sunday and it's been off/on all week. There have been days of dull achiness throughout my abdomen as well. Not fun, but I've tried to remind myself that I've walked this road (twice) before.

I called the Dr yesterday just to see what they wanted me to do, and they wanted me to come in for an ultrasound. So, I did. I was hopeful that the ultrasound would reveal this perfect little baby with a heart just a beating. But, that's not quite what happened. The baby measured about 9 days BEHIND where I thought I should be. Although the Dr had nothing but positive things to say, I was devastated. She sent me for blood work (which I'll have drawn again on Monday) and scheduled a follow up ultrasound for February 8th.

After thinking about it, I've calmed down. This pregnancy is proving to be SO much like Makinley's. All my symptoms are almost dead on the same. I found out I was pregnant with Makinley on January 14, 2007. This time around, I found out on the 13th. I went for an ultrasound on January 26, 2007 (I THINK) and was told there "was no baby" and that I needed to have a D&C. Today, we could not see a baby, BUT I was NOT told I need to have a D&C. When I went back for a follow up ultrasound on February 2, 2007, Makinley was hanging out with her heart beating good and strong. SO, with that being said, I'm deciding to have faith that my numbers will double over the weekend and that when I go back on Feb 8th, we will see a healthy heartbeat. I'm just assuming that since I found out I was pregnant this time  only 1 day earlier than I found out five years ago, and today's ultrasound was the EXACT same time as my ultrasound 5 years ago, that I'm just off on my dates and the baby isn't really 9 days behind where I think it should be. I was just nine days ahead in my calculations.

However, it's STILL scary. Very scary. For someone who didn't even think they wanted a third baby, I sure do love this little one growing inside me.