I Wonder

I can go weeks and be okay, and then out of nowhere I will be hit with a wave of homesickness. It can take just the slightest thing to set it off. Unfortunately, once it sets in, it takes awhile for it to fade again.

The crazy part is that I can't actually imagine still living in Henry County anymore. Things would have been so different if we had stayed and in some ways I feel like we have been gone forever....not just two years. Maybe that's because Makinley was only 6 months old when we moved here, so she has done lots of growing since then.

I have a beautiful house here, yet sometimes I find myself missing my old house. I don't think it's the actual house I miss, it's what that house represents to me. My children being babies, my parents living right down the street, the covenience of places to shop.

I'm not gonna lie...I definitely wish I still lived 3 miles from my parents instead of 60. I realize that there are many, many people that would give their right arm to live 60 miles from their parents. I was one of those people for about 5-6 years. I know that I can now easily see them in a day's trip. However, what's not easy is being able to just call my mom up, tell her I'm at my wit's end, and her come to my rescue. My parents can't just stop by after work, and we can't just go grab a quick bite to eat during the week. I've had to "grow up" a lot over the last two years. Who knew I still had so much growing to do at 28 years old? But, I got really spoiled from the time Tripp was born until the time I moved here. I think it also makes it hard that Madison is such a small, family town. Lots and lots of the people that live here have tons of family that live here too. I am grateful that Linda lives here. She has been a huge help, especially through this time of getting my masters. However, we use her so much for that, it's hard to just call her up and ask her to come babysit because I need some "mommy" time or some "us" time.

Sometimes, I just feel like I'm on the outside looking in. This isn't because of ANYTHING anybody is doing/not doing to me/around me. I have some really good friends in Madison and I love them. They have just all (or at least most) lived here their whole life. There is something to be said of the bond that is established with the people that you have grown up your whole lives with. Makes a person like me (who moved countless numbers of times) feel a little like a fish out of water. I'm still trying to find my place.

However, through it all, I know that God has called me to be content. To be content no matter what my circumstances. He has me right where I'm supposed to be. So, when I'm homesick and wish that I could just jump in my car and be at Target in 10 minutes, I'm going to stop and remember that the trade off for that would be that Joey wouldn't have been able to go to EVERY single one of Tripp's class parties this year. I'm thinking that Tripp seeing his daddy's face is way more priceless than that new shirt any day.