I'm having one of those days. Actually, I might be having one of those weeks. I just feel yuck. Not sick, yuck....just yuck, yuck. It's been one of those weeks where I wish I could just get away somewhere by myself. Or, maybe one of those weeks where I could just use a good vent/cry session with a good friend. I don't know. It's really numerous things that are making me feel this way: work is getting OVERWHELMING with the CRCT coming up in just a few weeks, my house is NEVER clean and I'm so tired of feeling like we live in filth, my son is giving me absolute fits...screaming, hitting, slamming doors...kind of fits (he's doing these things, I just feel like doing them), and I am DISGUSTED with my own body. Like, don't want to look at myself in the mirror when I take a shower, kind of disgusted.
I keep asking myself what I'm going to do about all of this and I'm coming up short on answers. As far as school goes, it will be better in just a few weeks. I just have to truck through the reviewing process of getting my kids ready for the test. I just feel a lot of pressure this year because I work at a more "pressure" filled school. Again, in May, that will be behind me and I can breathe again.
As for my house....I don't know. I have an awesome husband who pulls more than his fair share of the load, but it just feels chaotic and cluttered all the time. I don't get home until close to 5 on most days. By the time I get home, fix supper (which is never anything gourmet), bathe the kids, get the kids to bed, I am WIPED. There is no part of me that wants to do anything chore related. Things pile up and by the time the weekend gets here, I feel like I'm drowning in it. It's no fun to have to spend your whole weekend cleaning. I'm beginning to feel a yard sale coming on though; I can't take the clutter anymore.
Next, my son.....oh, my son. That is too much to even try to get into in this post. God is definitely trying to mold, shape, and challenge me through Tripp. However, I'm beginning to think about calling Super Nanny myself. Something has got to give.
Finally, my body. Before kids, I could eat whatever I wanted to and didn't have to worry about gaining a pound. I was the same weight for years (well, with the exception of a really unhealthy time during high school when I could have blown away with a strong enough wind). Then came Tripp...I gained a whopping 47 pounds with him. I didn't have time to lose it all before I got pregnant with Mak when he was 9 months old. With her, I only gained 25 pounds, BUT my metabolism has done something crazy since pregnancy. I can't seem to get off the last 10 pounds that I desperately want to lose. Ok....let me back up....I have to admit that I haven't actually done much to TRY to get the weight off either. But, let's go back to the working full time and taking care of two kids thing. Again, I'm wiped out and don't have the motivation to go to the gym. I realize that there are thousands of women who work full time, take care of multiple children, and find time to go to the gym. They are super mom's and my hat is off to them. I go through phases of trying to be careful about what I eat. However, when you go the first 26 years of your life not having to worry about what you eat as far as your weight goes, it's really difficult to change your whole mindset. It really is. And, as for the gym, we don't have the money for me to join anyway.
I'm sure I have now depressed everyone that actually takes the time to read this. Honestly, right now, my prayer is that God will change my thoughts and help me to concentrate on positive things. There is plenty to be positive about. Unfortunately, right now, I'm definitely letting myself get sucked in by the negative.
6 comments:
I think all mom's feel this way. Well, at least I do. My son is teething and has been horrible all week. My house smells like dirty diapers ALL the time, even when there are none, and I definitely have AT LEAST 10 pounds to lose since giving birth. You are not alone. I think it's part of being a mom. And those super mom's you speak of, they might go to the gym, but they probably neglect some other aspect of their life. Hang in there!!! Take a step back from the situation and realize that it could be a LOT worse!
I think all working mothers with young children have to feel this way. There is just so much to do and so little time. A clean house isn't a priority - your family is. My house is most always a mess. I have times when I beat myself up over it but then when I do clean it, it's messed up within the hour and I wonder why I even bothered? I think this is just a part of life we're going to have to expect right now. I'm right there with you - trust me. So don't beat yourself up. But I would recommend trying to get some "me" time in there even if it's just a 15 minute walk through the neighborhood to clear your mind. I think you'll be amazed to find how much better you feel (and how much more energy you'll have) - the biggest hurdle is just going out to do it. Big hugs. God doesn't give us more than we can handle.
I so understand how you feel! Will definitely say a prayer for you!
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, but I think everyone has these weeks. Like other's mentioned, try to take a step back and look at the big picture. Do something just for you and take some "me" time. Call me when you get a chance so we can really talk.
Hey! I'm Erica's friend :) You don't know me that well, but I just wanted to post that don't beat yourself up about it! We all feel down and out sometimes, and the hard part I think is the guilt we have for feeling down. Because we do have so much to be thankful for. But, sometimes hormones and the stress of life can just really overtake you. Hang in there..when it happens to me it is always temporary. :) Go take a warm bath! :)
I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling down! I've got lots to say, esp about fourth grade vs first CRCT (Totally Different Pressure... TOTALLY), but I'll email you. :) Call me if you need to talk ... I'll be spreading pinestraw and pulling weeds today. Joy of joys.
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